As told by her mom, Krista
Josephine is my first baby. She was born a beautiful and creative child, full of light, kindness, creativity, intelligence, insight and compassion for others. Always such a brave little girl, never afraid to try new things or face new challenges. Growing up, she enjoyed being a part of a theatre production company as a talented actress with a flair for the dramatic. She loves music, art, and she especially loves to read. She has always taken great interest in politics and social justice, even from a young age, always willing to speak up for the vulnerable or voiceless. She is so very loved by her many friends and family, including her three younger siblings and especially by her devoted parents.
At fifteen years old, she had been attending high school full-time and working part-time at her very first job at Tim Hortons. She loved to work, she excelled and was well known and liked by all of her team of co-workers and the regular customers as well.
Suddenly, it seemed Josephine had been feeling extraordinarily tired. She began uncharacteristically falling asleep in class and sleeping more often than usual at home. She would start to feel shortness of breath or feel her heart racing without cause. We decided a trip to the pediatrician was in order; perhaps she had low iron? Tests were done and bloodwork taken. On Friday evening, her pediatrician called us at home to explain that her bloodwork came back and showed malignancies called blasts in her blood, and that I needed to drop everything and bring her to the hospital immediately. I didn’t know how to tell my little girl she was sick. I hoped the tests were wrong, prayed and pleaded that this was a mistake, a bad dream, anything besides cancer.
March 29, 2019. The day is etched into our hearts and minds forever. Two days before her sixteenth birthday, the impossible became reality. This precious and beautiful young girl who was just starting out her life had Leukemia. How could this be? Nothing in life can possibly prepare a mother to hear those vile words: “your child has cancer”. The injustice of these words burns a parent to the core of their soul with no possible relief. Childhood cancer is a journey immersed in unfathomable pain and grief for a loss greater than any child should be required to suffer, and yet the suffering comes without choice; it comes with inevitability and it comes unrelenting. Josephine quietly celebrated her birthday with family in the Ronald McDonald house in London and started treatment the very next day. The tragedy of watching my daughter blow out her 16 birthday candles and the next day watch her tears fall while doctors explain what lies ahead is unexplainable…
We would not be going home anytime soon. She would be in hospital for at least a month of induction followed by two and a half years of chemotherapy protocols; that is the treatment for this type of Leukemia, the doctors told us. She will lose her beautiful long hair and face endless days of feeling sick, nauseous, tired and, worst of all, the pain… Oh dear God the pain. How can I ever put into words what it's like to watch your innocent child suffer in agony and be completely helpless to stop it? No, not just helpless, worse then helpless. I was an accomplice to her suffering. As a parent, every instinct in my body would scream at me on a daily basis to protect my baby, make it stop and yet not only would I allow every brutal drug to be given only to watch them wreak havoc on her young body, I would allow the surgeries and the treatments and push her to keep going knowing this torture is the only option to save her life. Her agony was my daily heartbreak.
Chemotherapy suppresses the immune system and leaves the body vulnerable to infection with even the slightest exposure to a pathogen; we learned this during induction when Josephine nearly lost her life and ended up spending Easter in a critical care unit. Everyday I thank God that my little girl is still here despite close calls and days and days and days of painful treatments that have been her journey for almost 2 years now. Hospital stays, side effects, weight loss, feeding tubes, pain crisis, loss of being able to walk because of bone deterioration, countless blood transfusions, life threatening fevers, and now with COVID, the added pain of isolation and an almost complete loss of teenage freedom has made an almost unbearable burden that much worse, and yet at every stage, my daughter has shown the strength and grit of the true warrior that she is. We often call kids on treatment for cancer warriors and heroes; the brutal truth is that they are but only because there is no other choice. It would be easier to give up and yet giving up is just not an option.
Despite the pain she now lives with on a daily basis, she keeps going, overcoming unbelievable obstacles to continue to accomplish her goals and learning how to adapt and grow up in this world we now live in. We find relief in small moments of normalcy and we are so grateful for every victory and milestone that too many kids fighting the big battles don't get to have. We have come to understand that the most important things in life are the small things too easily taken for granted. We feel so lucky just to be at home or to be able to celebrate a birthday or a holiday as a family. Josephine has faced losses no young girl should have to face and has done so with fearless dignity. Her battle is not yet over. She continues to fight and I will continue to stand by her side with honour and pride watching her triumph over the demon that is childhood cancer and grow into the fearless, strong and amazing young woman she is fated to be. Everyday I am endlessly grateful that I get to be her mother.